Beautiful Disaster

OK! so it has been a while...but i'm back to blogging and i have got lots to say! :) sooooooooo my life has pretty much blown up into a big crazy disaster. you know the song beautiful disaster... that is what my life is a beautiful disaster. Its hard to believe so many things can be crashing down around you while so many other things are blossoming into wonderful things! my sister has gone off the deep end and has lost her mind, literally. we dont know if she will ever be coming home agian or is she will be put into a residential institution for all of her problems and issues. I am trying to hang onto what is left of my crumbling testimony. all while trying to stay strong for my mom and my sisters who are all processing the whole emily thing and rely on me to help them get through it because somehow i am the logical one... its a wierd situation to say the least, i miss my sister and i love her but i have in some way emotionally detatched my self from the situation. idk if its just because i am used to it now, this being her 5th time in the hospital or i am relieved that the rest of us can live a somewhat more normal life when she's not around. its nice to be able to go get ibuprofen out of the medicine drawer with out having to track down the key to unlock it, because its just always unlocked now. same with the knives and theres not as much yelling and arguing. the house is quiter and its just different. i guess we'll just see what happens down the road. so i am going to end this here. a depressing post but i saved all the good stuff for the next post. actually i am being told its "time for bed" :/ still is annoying!!! thats all... good night world:) New thing: today i am grateful for: the little bit of sun that shone through the clouds, good music, seeing kim at work even if it was only for a little while, boys that make me smile and text me first :P, cookies, free food, the person who taught me the ramen trick...whom ever that was, my cat bella who for some reason loves when i sing at the top of my lungs. for the new door knob that opens with hardly any effort. face book and art. :)